whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im just a social blackout drinker.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
