I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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