Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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