just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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