things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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