Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
