She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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