Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
