Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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