So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
