dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
