Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
MIDGETS
????
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize