my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
