Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
