Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
