Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
