He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
high people should be assigned attendants
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
