drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
