R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
