addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
