Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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