Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
