Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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