Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
