you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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