She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
