I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
