If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
