You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
