i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
