Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize