Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
