let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize