my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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