Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize