i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
