capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
