I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
