I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize