I didn't shave. On purpose
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
