STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
