one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
