We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
