What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize