did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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