he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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