Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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