I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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