I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
