There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
