If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
