Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I use my feet as sexual weapons
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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