Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Someone shattered a urinal.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
