I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
