Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
