so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
