hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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