I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
