the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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