We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
