Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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