are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
