somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
