We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
