saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
