porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
