the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
