My Higher Power is John Stamos
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize