I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize