i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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