Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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