It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
MIDGETS
????
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize