Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
