i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize