3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
