Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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