The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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