Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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