She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I faked an abortion last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize