He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
