4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize