my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just googled if crying burns calories
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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