Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
