I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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