i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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