Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
