Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize