put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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