you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
