I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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