Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
