There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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