I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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