Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
