i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
