she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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