Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
