see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
