the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
