During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
that is very illegal...i love you.
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