What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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