The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
