so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
