He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
