so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
