Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
