Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
someone owes me an orgasm
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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