On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
