That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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